Thursday, March 3, 2011
Stress! STRESS!! I'm NOT Stressed!! .... well, maybe I am. How do I manage it?
So many of us have become accustomed to being stressed; so much so that we believe it is normal. If we believe it to be true, then it will likely become true. In reality, most of us deal with stress each day and on many different levels, so maybe a certain amount of stress is normal but how can we manage it?
Monday, February 28, 2011
Toxic People and Life's Lessons
I think life is a funny little roller coaster that goes faster the more people scream and squirm to get off and traps us on the ride until it is completely over. Roller coasters are dramatic, big and demand respect and attention. If engineers did not analyze, did not build and did not create with clear precision, the ride would fly off its tracks and become dangerous; sometimes life is the same way. So many times people forget that words hurt and actions hurt more.
Many of us are struggling, like me, in different ways everyday. Some of us are struggling with school, with our jobs, with our weight, with relationships [all kinds], with money or with parents [or parental figures]. Really, the list is never ending and some struggles permeate through many of these at the same time. I know I'm struggling with several of these things and more. In the last six months I have had a tremendous amount of inner turmoil because of certain people in my life and it is affecting my relationship on many levels. I am not comfortable talking about intimate details of these struggles with the blogger world, but I think it is important to talk about it on a generic level because I know somebody out there will be able to relate.
Everyday I wake up with doubts that are a result of conscious human decisions to do something or not do something. For instance, people choose to be manipulative, controlling, liars, etc. Unfortunately, I have been on the receiving end of all of these things for some time and at different times throughout my life. And while it is heart-breaking and emotional, because often times these behaviors exist only in the context of ones you love, I have learned that "when we see people acting in an abusive, arrogant or demeaning manner towards others, their behavior almost always is a symptom of their lack of self - esteem [and they] need to put someone else down to feel good about themselves" (A quote from Momma Curry).
I do not have an instruction manual to get off of this roller coaster of a life successfully and I am not certified to give professional advice, but I have learned some important things along the way.
First, do not EVER deflate or devalue your opinion and feelings for anybody! In most instances your gut and your heart will guide you in the right direction and will not lead your feelings astray.
Second, toxic people are not worth your energy or an emotional collapse. Toxic people, like quoted above, likely lack self-esteem, self - respect, respect for others, and exist only to bring people down to their level. DO NOT DO IT!
Third, it is okay to be upset and grieve; be angry and hateful but do not be vengeful! When you cross the line from feeling because you're hurt to acting against somebody because they hurt you, you only feed the toxic person with the negativity he or she needs to survive. DO NOT DO IT! You do not EVER want to stoop to his or her level. Feel, think, scream, cry, talk, but do not act on your emotion... do not sink to a level beneath yourself because it only feeds the beast!
Fourth, move on. Now, moving on for everybody is a different reality and a different process. So, if moving on for you is forgiving and forgetting - do that! If moving on is forgiving and not forgetting - then do that! If moving on happens to be bottling it up, writing it down, tallying all of the negative things this person [or these people] have done to you, then do that... but remember if you continue to associate with these people, they will continue to do what they are bred to do - BRING. YOU. DOWN! In a best case scenario, I always encourage myself to think about that relationship - is it worth it? what positives does this person bring to life? do these things outweigh all of the negativity? in most instances it's better to cut the cords than
to continue with the toxic behavior the person has to dish out. I am at a point in my life where I do not need anything to bring me down.
Fifth, when you make your decision to move on [in whatever way you choose] you must stick with your decision. If you decide to cut this person, or these people, out of your life it must be an absolute. You cannot be on the fence with your decision because this can be viewed as a potential weakness, which many will prey on and use to continue to manipulate and control you.
I have a problem with manipulative and controlling people. As a result of my experiences, I promised myself that I would never, ever continue in a relationship/friendship with anybody who tried or had the potential to manipulate and control me. I have successfully managed to eliminate and keep at bay many of those people. Sometimes, though, life thrusts you around that turn on the roller coaster and makes you unable to completely cut those toxic people out. In instances like this - where I currently find myself - I suggest doing the best you can with removing yourself from any environment where you do not feel safe and comfortable.
I am sure many of you are asking: "well, what about confronting the person?; why not tell them how you feel? tell them what they are doing to you?" I would encourage anybody to have a grown up discussion with those people who are causing their inner turmoil, but prepare yourself for the conversation and problem to be about them and not what they are doing to you. I have had much experience with this. I give people the benefit of the doubt; I give all I have to people and I want the same in return. But sometimes that cannot happen and it is okay!
Each situation is different and sometimes toxic attitudes in people are a manifestation of a horrible situation and if you confront that person they may be willing to make a change. That would be the most wonderful situation. However, in some instances the person will continue their wrath of negativity and manipulation until you refuse to allow them to affect you! Do not take as long as I did to realize that not everybody is worth your time and energy. Realize that you are WORTH much more than those people are willing to admit and respect yourself and your feelings to take back your control in life!
Because Life is Complicated Enough... without having people to relate to, I've decided to open up about these kinds of relationships and how somebody is causing me great personal stress. I hope that reading this somebody will decide to take a stand against any negative people in their life and demand the respect they deserve!
Finally, remember - ALWAYS REMEMBER - there is somebody who loves you, respects you and will support you in your endeavors. Life is not about the quantity of people you have and associate with, it is about the quality of those people close to you. Surround yourself with the best and you will always be the best!!!
Until next time,
Stay Strong
Many of us are struggling, like me, in different ways everyday. Some of us are struggling with school, with our jobs, with our weight, with relationships [all kinds], with money or with parents [or parental figures]. Really, the list is never ending and some struggles permeate through many of these at the same time. I know I'm struggling with several of these things and more. In the last six months I have had a tremendous amount of inner turmoil because of certain people in my life and it is affecting my relationship on many levels. I am not comfortable talking about intimate details of these struggles with the blogger world, but I think it is important to talk about it on a generic level because I know somebody out there will be able to relate.
Everyday I wake up with doubts that are a result of conscious human decisions to do something or not do something. For instance, people choose to be manipulative, controlling, liars, etc. Unfortunately, I have been on the receiving end of all of these things for some time and at different times throughout my life. And while it is heart-breaking and emotional, because often times these behaviors exist only in the context of ones you love, I have learned that "when we see people acting in an abusive, arrogant or demeaning manner towards others, their behavior almost always is a symptom of their lack of self - esteem [and they] need to put someone else down to feel good about themselves" (A quote from Momma Curry).
I do not have an instruction manual to get off of this roller coaster of a life successfully and I am not certified to give professional advice, but I have learned some important things along the way.
First, do not EVER deflate or devalue your opinion and feelings for anybody! In most instances your gut and your heart will guide you in the right direction and will not lead your feelings astray.
Second, toxic people are not worth your energy or an emotional collapse. Toxic people, like quoted above, likely lack self-esteem, self - respect, respect for others, and exist only to bring people down to their level. DO NOT DO IT!
Third, it is okay to be upset and grieve; be angry and hateful but do not be vengeful! When you cross the line from feeling because you're hurt to acting against somebody because they hurt you, you only feed the toxic person with the negativity he or she needs to survive. DO NOT DO IT! You do not EVER want to stoop to his or her level. Feel, think, scream, cry, talk, but do not act on your emotion... do not sink to a level beneath yourself because it only feeds the beast!
Fourth, move on. Now, moving on for everybody is a different reality and a different process. So, if moving on for you is forgiving and forgetting - do that! If moving on is forgiving and not forgetting - then do that! If moving on happens to be bottling it up, writing it down, tallying all of the negative things this person [or these people] have done to you, then do that... but remember if you continue to associate with these people, they will continue to do what they are bred to do - BRING. YOU. DOWN! In a best case scenario, I always encourage myself to think about that relationship - is it worth it? what positives does this person bring to life? do these things outweigh all of the negativity? in most instances it's better to cut the cords than
to continue with the toxic behavior the person has to dish out. I am at a point in my life where I do not need anything to bring me down.
Fifth, when you make your decision to move on [in whatever way you choose] you must stick with your decision. If you decide to cut this person, or these people, out of your life it must be an absolute. You cannot be on the fence with your decision because this can be viewed as a potential weakness, which many will prey on and use to continue to manipulate and control you.
I have a problem with manipulative and controlling people. As a result of my experiences, I promised myself that I would never, ever continue in a relationship/friendship with anybody who tried or had the potential to manipulate and control me. I have successfully managed to eliminate and keep at bay many of those people. Sometimes, though, life thrusts you around that turn on the roller coaster and makes you unable to completely cut those toxic people out. In instances like this - where I currently find myself - I suggest doing the best you can with removing yourself from any environment where you do not feel safe and comfortable.
I am sure many of you are asking: "well, what about confronting the person?; why not tell them how you feel? tell them what they are doing to you?" I would encourage anybody to have a grown up discussion with those people who are causing their inner turmoil, but prepare yourself for the conversation and problem to be about them and not what they are doing to you. I have had much experience with this. I give people the benefit of the doubt; I give all I have to people and I want the same in return. But sometimes that cannot happen and it is okay!
Each situation is different and sometimes toxic attitudes in people are a manifestation of a horrible situation and if you confront that person they may be willing to make a change. That would be the most wonderful situation. However, in some instances the person will continue their wrath of negativity and manipulation until you refuse to allow them to affect you! Do not take as long as I did to realize that not everybody is worth your time and energy. Realize that you are WORTH much more than those people are willing to admit and respect yourself and your feelings to take back your control in life!
Because Life is Complicated Enough... without having people to relate to, I've decided to open up about these kinds of relationships and how somebody is causing me great personal stress. I hope that reading this somebody will decide to take a stand against any negative people in their life and demand the respect they deserve!
Finally, remember - ALWAYS REMEMBER - there is somebody who loves you, respects you and will support you in your endeavors. Life is not about the quantity of people you have and associate with, it is about the quality of those people close to you. Surround yourself with the best and you will always be the best!!!
Until next time,
Stay Strong
Friday, February 25, 2011
Five Easy Rules that Helped Me Lose Weight
When I first started on my weight-loss journey, I was used to eating until I felt like stopping, not when I was full. As a result, I knew that I had to find foods that I could eat a ton of without too many calories; the idea of cutting down my food volume all of a sudden frightened me and I knew it would be detrimental to the beginning of my journey. So what did I do?
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Struggles with Weight
First, I should say my mom is the best mom in the entire world! She gave me anything and everything I ever wanted or dreamed of with little exception! But most important, she spoiled me with all of the love in the world! With that being said, I always overindulged myself with food and drinks growing up and even into adulthood. I was very overweight for most of my life. I never thought much of it because I was lucky enough to have wonderful friends! I cannot even begin to tell you all how wonderful these group of people were [and are, by the way], the only wish I have now is that they all remain healthy and happy and I wish we could all be close again!
Of course, I was self conscious about my weight and the way I looked but I it was a fleeting thought and I never did anything about it. Thinking back about it, I remember being constantly uncomfortable and always thinking I was able to hide behind my clothes. That was a big negative! I fooled myself into thinking people did not look at me differently and I brushed off those mean individuals that made fun of my weight. My mom also overindulged me with self-respect and dignity. These two things were very important for me in getting through a lot of potential misery. Even though my feelings were often hurt, I stood proud of who I was and what I was accomplishing!
I think things started to hit me hard in college. I went away to a beautiful school with a great academic reputation that was sure to put me on the right path. I was the typical student - adjusting to living away from home and having a bunch of freedom, meeting new friends and hating my freshman roommate; who incidentally did not turn out to be such an awful person after all. However, I started to recognize my insecurity with my weight on a much grander scale.
I always had crushes on boys, but I was never the girl those guys wanted to date. Of course I was bummed out, but in reality I think there was one turning point for me and that was when the guy, whom I thought was the love of my life, rejected me. I was devastated and did not know what to do. In spite of that, I finished my semester very strong and I went home for the summer. I occupied my time with work but something inside of me changed. I wanted to get healthy and lose weight. Even to this day, I do not know what made me approach weight loss, but the important part is that I did.
I joined Weight Watchers and started gradually to be active. Weight Watchers (WW) helped me see the other side and, honestly, the grass was much greener on the other side. I learned how to eat better and more importantly I learned that I could eat ANYTHING I wanted. That's right, ANYTHING! It is all about moderation. So as I was losing weight I was still able to have my special vices like pizza. As I entered my Senior year at W&J the transformation had already started. I started working out - very gradually, not like Jillian Michaels would want or like the trainers on I Used to Be Fat. I introduced work-out machines into my life gradually, but I did it consistently and it WORKED!!
I don't know about any of you, but I thrive on results. So each week I weighed in at my local WW meeting and watched the pounds shed, I was more driven to do better, work harder and be more active and healthy. My friends and professors saw a transformation during my senior year that pushed them to approach me and talk to me, give me encouragement and ask how I was doing it! Everybody was so supportive and I was feeling great! In a matter of a year I lost more than 100 pounds!! That's right ONE-HUNDRED POUNDS!! Most people that I know now in my life [not from my past] cannot believe this little person could have been larger at any point. By the end of summer - the summer before Law School - I was able to shed an additional 30 pounds and at the end of my first semester of Law School I was successfully able to lose an additional 30 pounds! I've lost a total of One-Hundred and Sixty pounds!
I did it all with the help of Weight Watchers, great gyms and wonderful family and friends that encouraged me along the way! It is by far one of the largest success stories I have under my belt, but it is also one of the hardest success stories to maintain. After losing the weight, I realized quickly that I never wanted to go back to my old way of life being over weight. Maintenance with weight loss is key and I have successfully met the big thresholds - maintaining it for 1 year and then 5 years. However, it is a daily struggle!
I hope that this post inspires at least one of you struggling with weight! It is very hard but VERY WORTH IT! Now that I have introduced you to my struggle with weight, I am going to start blogging about healthy tips I have learned along the way and great tricks and secrets, too! I hope you all check back, leave comments, share stories. I would love to read about all of you! :)
Until Next Time,
Happy Eating Healthy!
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| Acapulco 2010 |
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| Junior Year of High School |
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Capitol Diner in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania
I spent a lot of time in and around Harrisburg because Nick's family lives in the area; that is how I was introduced to a wonderful diner. One thing you should know is there are a ton of diners in the area, but only a couple stick out to me. The Capitol Diner holds a special place in my heart.... take a look at the reason why!
Antelope Island in Salt Lake City, Utah
Nick had to spend some time in Utah before he deployed to Iraq, which is the reason I found myself spending some time there. One weekend he decided to take me to Antelope Island, which is a great way to see the Great Salt Lake. Utah has some beautiful scenery, but entering Antelope Island is so cool. Take a look at the rest of our adventures!
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Greenville, Maine
It has been almost three years since Nick and I began dating! Among the deep conversation that unfolded during our first date, Nick mentioned that he was thinking about taking a trip to Vermont to go skiing for part of Spring Break. I was surprised when he asked if I would be interested. I should tell you, I had never skied before but I was really interested in Nick, so I told him I was interested. About a week later Nick picked me up and we started our journey into New England, with Nick having giving me one new caveat to the trip: If there is no snow in Vermont, he would continue driving until he found snow. I agreed that I was okay with that and off we went. About 8 hours into the trip we realized quickly it was only raining in Vermont, New Hampshire, etc. and as promised Nick continued driving North. Check out what happened next...
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